Why discipline, modeling, and faithfulness matter more than comfort

I challenge each one of you to be willing to do the hard work of instilling gratefulness in the hearts of your children. Gratitude doesn’t happen accidentally. It must be taught, trained, and modeled. And while we are called to teach and train, we must never forget this sacred truth: only God can change the heart.

A few weeks ago, I visited a family while their parents were out of town. As we sat down for dinner, the grandmother had picked up food from a restaurant. She had purchased one lemonade to be shared between the two oldest girls. Immediately, they informed us that they always get their own lemonade and never have to share.

I knew better than that—but the real issue wasn’t merely what they said. It was how they said it. Their tone, delivery, and body language revealed something deeper. What could have been a simple moment of sharing became a clear picture of entitlement taking root.

That’s where parenting must pause and pay attention—not just to behavior, but to character. Words reveal the heart, but posture and persistence often expose it even more clearly. That statement revealed far more than a preference; it revealed a heart posture.

It reminded me how clear and consistent discipline must be when our children are young. My go-to response with my own children would have been to calmly take the glasses to the sink and pour the lemonade out. The unspoken lesson would be simple and unmistakable:

When we respond with ungrateful hearts, we don’t get a drink.

No lecture.
No anger.
Just truth.

As parents, our role is obedience and faithfulness; God’s role is heart change.

Consider this: when your child receives a green  lollipop and whines that he wanted the red one, that’s not just preference. That’s a lack of gratitude. Calmly respond. Be resolved. It only takes a few consistent moments of obedience on your part to teach a powerful lesson.

There’s a little song I loved to sing in moments like these, when I noticed a lack of gratitude in my children:

“Gratitude, oh gratitude, let me check my attitude.
An attitude of gratitude says,
‘I’m thankful for what I got.’”

Let’s be honest, maybe you prefer the red lollipop too, but the only one left is green. Say it out loud with a smile: “I really prefer red, but I’m thankful for green. I’m just grateful to get one.”

Gratefulness must be seen and heard in us first. It’s amazing what the universal language of a smile and a content heart communicates. We model the posture, we speak the words, and we trust God to do the heart work.

Your posture matters.
Your tone matters.
Your body language matters.

Be alert.
Be ready.
Be willing.

This, my friends, is what we are called to: biblical discipleship.

Children learn gratitude not through indulgence, but through loving, steady parents who are willing to rise and do the hard work, while humbly trusting God to do what only He can.

We plant.
We water.
But God grows.

Grateful hearts are formed when loving parents choose faithfulness over ease.